Recently I’ve noticed the phase Mom Shaming being used, a lot. I’ve also noticed a lot of mom guilt. And a whole bunch of ladies who seem to have the two confused.
Let me take a moment to admit I’ve done some mom shaming my self. And I am whole heartily sorry. It wasn’t my intention to hurt anyone. Honestly it was a combination of frustration, defensiveness, and self righteousness that effected my statements…learning to be both bold, and kind is rather rough at times. So again, I’m sorry. And feel free to call me out on it, if and when I do it again.
So like I was getting at, there have been mothers who believed they where being shamed because they felt guilty. Or there where women who believed something shouldn’t be said because it could make someone feel guilty, therefore making it mommy shaming. Um no. That my friends is not how that works. While we should be considerate of one another, we are not – are NOT – responsible for another persons guilty feelings. Let’s look at some scenarios to expound on what I’m talking about.
If you say “Oh I’ve had the perfect day! The baby never cried, and he and my toddler took a 2 hour nap, at the same time! And she is fully potty trained now…I was even able to clean up right after dinner, and had some quiet time with my husband”. And I’m sitting here feeling guilty because I know your potty trained child is younger then mine, my teething infant was fussy all-day-long, and we ate boxed mac & cheese…that my husband cooked…and he had to wash the pot BEFORE he could use it. It’s not your fault that I feel guilty. I should address those feeling on my end. But just because someone share their experience, and it triggers guilt. That is still not shaming me.
Now if someone was to post “I’ve had the perfect day! All my kids took a nice long nap. If moms would just step up and sleep train their babies rather then holding them, or nursing them to sleep all-the-time, then maybe they would get stuff done, and be happy like me.” That is mom shaming. If she didn’t want to be self righteous, she could have said something more like “I’m so glad I’ve sleep trained, because it allows me to get more done.”
If a mom says “Yay, I’ve exclusively breast-fed for 8 months!” And you struggled, or simply chose to bottle feed. That’s doesn’t mean she was shaming you. She is sharing her story.
If a mom shares car seat info, that’s not shaming. If she makes a snide remark assuming everyone who does it wrong just doesn’t care. That is shaming.
Just because one mom say “I did it this way” doesn’t mean she was also say “your doing it wrong”.
Being a mom is so hard at times. We should be going out of our way to treat one another with compassion.
I just wanted add that I will keep sharing my strong opinions. But I’ll try to do it with compassion, understanding, kindness, and without judgement.
“And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:32 AMPC