As I sit here, wondering just what I should write a number of things come to mind. And right on the heels of every idea, I hear a voice questioning me. Do I really know enough to say anything? Understand enough to give a recommendation?
After all I can barely make it through some days without feeling like a failure my self. Who am I to talk about peaceful parenting after I’ve snapped at my children over little things, things that they probably weren’t even wrong to be doing in the first place. Who am I to tell another mother that is struggling, unable to see her value, how important she is. When have be sitting on the kitchen floor, sobbing because my housekeeping skills are lacking, and my efforts feel pointless. Everywhere I look, I only see the mess that I have failed to prevent, and haven’t carved out the time to clean. So who am I to give advice about anything? How could I be worthy of such an honor, as writing for the benefit of another human being. Another hungry, and possibly hurting soul?
I’m not going to lie. My self image isn’t very pretty at this point. I’ve had a rather harsh perspective of my self here recently. Listing off in my own mind all of my “failures” everything I didn’t clean, every need I didn’t meet before hand, before I even knew it existed.
I have recently told my husband that it feels like every one of my responsibilities, and each of our children is like a balloon, attached to a fine thread. And I’m trying to hold onto all of it in a wind storm. “That sounds exhausting” he said. And he was right. It’s is.
I’m sure I will still have challenges. There will still be times when my reaction is not what I would like it to be. And there will probably be moments in this life that overwhelm me to the point of tears. And that’s okay. We are all human. It’s not in us to be perfect.
But let me share with you a recent revelation.
I’m a mom – not God. And I should stop trying to do His job. And focus more on His Grace. Specifically the grace He has for ME. So that I can see my value. So that I can see the positive impact I have on those around me. And if I focus on that, I can then turn around and show that same grace to my family. And I dearly want to. I want them, my husband, my children. To know, and feel, that I love them. It’s pretty hard to do that when your sitting in the corner being swallowed up by guilt, because you’ve been side swiped by the Devils lies…again.
Our Heavenly Father has made us a number of promises, and one of those is Grace sufficient. And I’m going to take a little time to write those words in my heart, tucking them away. Meditating on them until they flow from me.
So who am I to write to you? What do I have to offer? I’m a beloved daughter of the King. And I’ve been there…I’m still there. In the thick of it. Fighting for my self image, fighting to be the mother I want to be. And I can share a little encouragement, mingled with humor, and insight. And I think there is a lot we can learn along the way, together.
“And the God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah) be with you.” Romans 16:20
“Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it].” Hebrews 4:16